Boundaries (noun) – A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
As young children our parents have a duty to teach us life lessons in order to develop into self-sustaining well obedient citizens. One of the lessons required to become mature developed human being is the ability to cultivate and maintain boundaries in our lives. Boundaries are essential with every healthy relationship obtained through our walks in life.
As a grown adult I have come to realize that I was never taught this concept. I have no concept of boundaries, I have always been, as I describe, an “all or nothing” kind of person, an open book to all that would ask anything of me but that same book was easily slammed shut when I would be put in a compromising situation and no longer trust that person or outlet. I have always remained open and honest about my life and my struggles; I guess one could say I have never really established any boundaries with people that I have met over time.
I have come to realize that I have never understood or practiced this notion in my life, I have never taken into regard that this is how healthy relationships are created and remain in bloom. As this has been brought to my attention in recent days I began to question where I was when this lesson was being taught to the children of the world, then I realized where I learned my “all or nothing” behavior. As an alcoholic I would have days of diluted drunkenness which allowed me to be as I thought was a tough, brutally honest person, the alcohol just exemplified these outrageous behaviors and “I have no shame” expressions. In my mind I saw that behavior as nothing but strength and fearlessness but I now see that as a ridiculous notion that I seemed to have no control over considering I was never taught any different.
Many thoughts have passed through my brain and I don’t think I was absent for that class lesson, I have a strange feeling that I learned my behaviors, especially my drunken behaviors, from my childhood. I remember my mom especially being the same way and that is how she showed courage and fearlessness when I was a child, and I saw her as powerful and non-conforming, I was inspired by these traits of hers as a child and over time I must have developed the same traits in my own behavior leading to a life with no boundaries. In all the relationships I have in my life, as I look back, I see my failed attempts at what I thought were healthy functioning connections because I did not allow myself to have any boundaries but even more, I did not know how to respect others boundaries. “I was an open book so why where you not an open book?” kind of questioning that would lead me down a road of demands and lack of trust ultimately ending in a dust of fallen associations littering my past.
I’m not sure if I am the only person in the world with this problem but I am happy to say that if you also have these new developments in your life, you are far from alone. I feel as if I am a child learning my ABC’s of life all over again. While it’s hard now, because I have to erase the old reinstalled lessons I have in my brain, it is more than worth it, and I have more clarity in my life and in my failed attempts of the past. Hopefully with this knowledge I can begin to learn more and change as I continue to develop and stand in the spot light for my children to acquire from. There are so many basic lesson bricks missing out of the foundation to my own building of self, it’s no wonder every time I look around things seem to be crumbling. The time has come to start all over from scratch and figure out exactly what kind of a person I am going to “grow up” to be. Have you ever had any troubles with boundaries in your life, maybe it’s worth a ponder?